I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
