this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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