i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Randomize
