I could make wine with my vomit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
