I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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