apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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