I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
