I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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