im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
