I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
