so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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