Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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