Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want nice things and good sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey