first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times