We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero