How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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