She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my shit smells like andre
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
