So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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