I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
