don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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