Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize