Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize