So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
