What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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