eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
