Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
