4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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