She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
