There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
