I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
