how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
