oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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