5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
