Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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