Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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