Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
