Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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