i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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