they need to just BURY HIM!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
