i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
