Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
