they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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