so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
