we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize