I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
