Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drake has all the answers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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