Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
