if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
