why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize