apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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