This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
