I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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