Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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