And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
