Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
