you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
