I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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