Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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