Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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