We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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