summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
