Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
