dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
