I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found your dick twin last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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